It is now one hundred and six years since I was born into this
world.  For twenty-eight years I flourished on the beautiful head of
dear Alice.  Ever since then, I have been only a wig.  I am now
falling into utter decay.  If any one were to shake me, I should fall
to pieces.  I have, like many of you, my friends, since inhabiting
this garret, been abused and made fun of, by children.  I was once
put upon the head of a donkey, while a boy with a fool's cap on his
head rode him, and took a love letter to a young man.  I was also put
upon the head of a great monkey brought to the house for exhibition,
who took me off his head and threw me at the boys.  Once, as you
know, I was made to play the mock judge on the head of a dog.  Once
that little girl who sleeps there, used me to keep a litter of
kittens warm in, on a cold winter night.  This nearly killed me, and
from that moment the children were forbidden to touch me. 

"I have now," concluded the wig, "only to ask your pardon, my
friends, for the impatience with which I have listened to your
stories when I thought them too long, and for the truly human vanity
and inconsistency which made me tell the longest story myself.  But I
knew that no one waited for me.  I shall certainly never speak more.