FreeBooksToRead.com - Rejected Addresses by James and Horace Smith

Project Gutenberg Etext Rejected Addresses, by James and Horace Smith

Copyright laws are changing all over the world, be sure to check
the laws for your country before redistributing these files!!!

Please take a look at the important information in this header.
We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an
electronic path open for the next readers.

Please do not remove this.

This should be the first thing seen when anyone opens the book.
Do not change or edit it without written permission.  The words
are carefully chosen to provide users with the information they
need about what they can legally do with the texts.


**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts**

**Etexts Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971**

*****These Etexts Are Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!*****

Information on contacting Project Gutenberg to get Etexts, and
further information is included below, including for donations.

The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a 501(c)(3)
organization with EIN [Employee Identification Number] 64-6221541



Title: Rejected Addresses: or, The New Theatrum Poetarum

Author: James and Horace Smith

Release Date: February, 2003  [Etext #3769]
[Yes, we are about one year ahead of schedule]
[The actual date this file first posted = 08/28/01]

Edition: 10

Language: English

Project Gutenberg Etext Rejected Addresses, by James and Horace Smith
*********This file should be named rjtad10.txt or rjtad10.zip********

Corrected EDITIONS of our etexts get a new NUMBER, rjtad11.txt
VERSIONS based on separate sources get new LETTER, rjtad10a.txt

This etext was produced by David Price, email ccx074@coventry.ac.uk,
from the 1879 John Murray edition.

Project Gutenberg Etexts are usually created from multiple editions,
all of which are in the Public Domain in the United States, unless a
copyright notice is included.  Therefore, we usually do NOT keep any
of these books in compliance with any particular paper edition.

We are now trying to release all our books one year in advance
of the official release dates, leaving time for better editing.
Please be encouraged to send us error messages even years after
the official publication date.

Please note neither this listing nor its contents are final til
midnight of the last day of the month of any such announcement.
The official release date of all Project Gutenberg Etexts is at
Midnight, Central Time, of the last day of the stated month.  A
preliminary version may often be posted for suggestion, comment
and editing by those who wish to do so.

Most people start at our sites at:
http://gutenberg.net
http://promo.net/pg


Those of you who want to download any Etext before announcement
can surf to them as follows, and just download by date; this is
also a good way to get them instantly upon announcement, as the
indexes our cataloguers produce obviously take a while after an
announcement goes out in the Project Gutenberg Newsletter.


http://www.ibiblio.org/gutenberg/etext03
or
ftp://ftp.ibiblio.org/pub/docs/books/gutenberg/etext03

Or /etext02, 01, 00, 99, 98, 97, 96, 95, 94, 93, 92, 92, 91 or 90

Just search by the first five letters of the filename you want,
as it appears in our Newsletters.


Information about Project Gutenberg (one page)

We produce about two million dollars for each hour we work.  The
time it takes us, a rather conservative estimate, is fifty hours
to get any etext selected, entered, proofread, edited, copyright
searched and analyzed, the copyright letters written, etc.  This
projected audience is one hundred million readers.  If our value
per text is nominally estimated at one dollar then we produce $2
million dollars per hour this year as we release fifty new Etext
files per month, or 500 more Etexts in 2000 for a total of 3000+
If they reach just 1-2% of the world's population then the total
should reach over 300 billion Etexts given away by year's end.

The Goal of Project Gutenberg is to Give Away One Trillion Etext
Files by December 31, 2001.  [10,000 x 100,000,000 = 1 Trillion]
This is ten thousand titles each to one hundred million readers,
which is only about 4% of the present number of computer users.

At our revised rates of production, we will reach only one-third
of that goal by the end of 2001, or about 4,000 Etexts unless we
manage to get some real funding.

The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation has been created
to secure a future for Project Gutenberg into the next millennium.

We need your donations more than ever!

As of July 12, 2001 contributions are only being solicited from people in:
Arkansas, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Idaho,
Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Louisiana, Maine, Massachusetts, Minnesota,
Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, New Mexico, Nevada, New Jersey, New York, North
Carolina, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota,
Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia,
Wisconsin, and Wyoming.

We have filed in about 45 states now, but these are the only ones
that have responded.

As the requirements for other states are met,
additions to this list will be made and fund raising
will begin in the additional states.  Please feel
free to ask to check the status of your state.

In answer to various questions we have received on this:

We are constantly working on finishing the paperwork
to legally request donations in all 50 states.  If
your state is not listed and you would like to know
if we have added it since the list you have, just ask.

While we cannot solicit donations from people in
states where we are not yet registered, we know
of no prohibition against accepting donations
from donors in these states who approach us with
an offer to donate.


International donations are accepted,
but we don't know ANYTHING about how
to make them tax-deductible, or
even if they CAN be made deductible,
and don't have the staff to handle it
even if there are ways.

All donations should be made to:

Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
PMB 113
1739 University Ave.
Oxford, MS 38655-4109


The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a 501(c)(3)
organization with EIN [Employee Identification Number] 64-6221541,
and has been approved as a 501(c)(3) organization by the US Internal
Revenue Service (IRS).  Donations are tax-deductible to the maximum
extent permitted by law.  As the requirements for other states are met,
additions to this list will be made and fund raising will begin in the
additional states.

We need your donations more than ever!

You can get up to date donation information at:

http://www.gutenberg.net/donation.html


***

If you can't reach Project Gutenberg,
you can always email directly to:

Michael S. Hart <hart@pobox.com>

hart@pobox.com forwards to hart@prairienet.org and archive.org
if your mail bounces from archive.org, I will still see it, if
it bounces from prairienet.org, better resend later on. . . .

Prof. Hart will answer or forward your message.

We would prefer to send you information by email.


***


Example command-line FTP session:

ftp ftp.ibiblio.org
login: anonymous
password: your@login
cd pub/docs/books/gutenberg
cd etext90 through etext99 or etext00 through etext02, etc.
dir [to see files]
get or mget [to get files. . .set bin for zip files]
GET GUTINDEX.??  [to get a year's listing of books, e.g., GUTINDEX.99]
GET GUTINDEX.ALL [to get a listing of ALL books]


**The Legal Small Print**


(Three Pages)

***START**THE SMALL PRINT!**FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS**START***
Why is this "Small Print!" statement here?  You know: lawyers.
They tell us you might sue us if there is something wrong with
your copy of this etext, even if you got it for free from
someone other than us, and even if what's wrong is not our
fault.  So, among other things, this "Small Print!" statement
disclaims most of our liability to you.  It also tells you how
you may distribute copies of this etext if you want to.

*BEFORE!* YOU USE OR READ THIS ETEXT
By using or reading any part of this PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm
etext, you indicate that you understand, agree to and accept
this "Small Print!" statement.  If you do not, you can receive
a refund of the money (if any) you paid for this etext by
sending a request within 30 days of receiving it to the person
you got it from.  If you received this etext on a physical
medium (such as a disk), you must return it with your request.

ABOUT PROJECT GUTENBERG-TM ETEXTS
This PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm etext, like most PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm etexts,
is a "public domain" work distributed by Professor Michael S. Hart
through the Project Gutenberg Association (the "Project").
Among other things, this means that no one owns a United States copyright
on or for this work, so the Project (and you!) can copy and
distribute it in the United States without permission and
without paying copyright royalties.  Special rules, set forth
below, apply if you wish to copy and distribute this etext
under the "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark.

Please do not use the "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark to market
any commercial products without permission.

To create these etexts, the Project expends considerable
efforts to identify, transcribe and proofread public domain
works.  Despite these efforts, the Project's etexts and any
medium they may be on may contain "Defects".  Among other
things, Defects may take the form of incomplete, inaccurate or
corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other
intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged
disk or other etext medium, a computer virus, or computer
codes that damage or cannot be read by your equipment.

LIMITED WARRANTY; DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES
But for the "Right of Replacement or Refund" described below,
[1] Michael Hart and the Foundation (and any other party you may
receive this etext from as a PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm etext) disclaims
all liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including
legal fees, and [2] YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE OR
UNDER STRICT LIABILITY, OR FOR BREACH OF WARRANTY OR CONTRACT,
INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE
OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES, EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE
POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES.

If you discover a Defect in this etext within 90 days of
receiving it, you can receive a refund of the money (if any)
you paid for it by sending an explanatory note within that
time to the person you received it from.  If you received it
on a physical medium, you must return it with your note, and
such person may choose to alternatively give you a replacement
copy.  If you received it electronically, such person may
choose to alternatively give you a second opportunity to
receive it electronically.

THIS ETEXT IS OTHERWISE PROVIDED TO YOU "AS-IS".  NO OTHER
WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, ARE MADE TO YOU AS
TO THE ETEXT OR ANY MEDIUM IT MAY BE ON, INCLUDING BUT NOT
LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A
PARTICULAR PURPOSE.

Some states do not allow disclaimers of implied warranties or
the exclusion or limitation of consequential damages, so the
above disclaimers and exclusions may not apply to you, and you
may have other legal rights.

INDEMNITY
You will indemnify and hold Michael Hart, the Foundation,
and its trustees and agents, and any volunteers associated
with the production and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm
texts harmless, from all liability, cost and expense, including
legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of the
following that you do or cause:  [1] distribution of this etext,
[2] alteration, modification, or addition to the etext,
or [3] any Defect.

DISTRIBUTION UNDER "PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm"
You may distribute copies of this etext electronically, or by
disk, book or any other medium if you either delete this
"Small Print!" and all other references to Project Gutenberg,
or:

[1]  Only give exact copies of it.  Among other things, this
     requires that you do not remove, alter or modify the
     etext or this "small print!" statement.  You may however,
     if you wish, distribute this etext in machine readable
     binary, compressed, mark-up, or proprietary form,
     including any form resulting from conversion by word
     processing or hypertext software, but only so long as
     *EITHER*:

     [*]  The etext, when displayed, is clearly readable, and
          does *not* contain characters other than those
          intended by the author of the work, although tilde
          (~), asterisk (*) and underline (_) characters may
          be used to convey punctuation intended by the
          author, and additional characters may be used to
          indicate hypertext links; OR

     [*]  The etext may be readily converted by the reader at
          no expense into plain ASCII, EBCDIC or equivalent
          form by the program that displays the etext (as is
          the case, for instance, with most word processors);
          OR

     [*]  You provide, or agree to also provide on request at
          no additional cost, fee or expense, a copy of the
          etext in its original plain ASCII form (or in EBCDIC
          or other equivalent proprietary form).

[2]  Honor the etext refund and replacement provisions of this
     "Small Print!" statement.

[3]  Pay a trademark license fee to the Foundation of 20% of the
     gross profits you derive calculated using the method you
     already use to calculate your applicable taxes.  If you
     don't derive profits, no royalty is due.  Royalties are
     payable to "Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation"
     the 60 days following each date you prepare (or were
     legally required to prepare) your annual (or equivalent
     periodic) tax return.  Please contact us beforehand to
     let us know your plans and to work out the details.

WHAT IF YOU *WANT* TO SEND MONEY EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE TO?
Project Gutenberg is dedicated to increasing the number of
public domain and licensed works that can be freely distributed
in machine readable form.

The Project gratefully accepts contributions of money, time,
public domain materials, or royalty free copyright licenses.
Money should be paid to the:
"Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."

If you are interested in contributing scanning equipment or
software or other items, please contact Michael Hart at:
hart@pobox.com

[Portions of this header are copyright (C) 2001 by Michael S. Hart
and may be reprinted only when these Etexts are free of all fees.]
[Project Gutenberg is a TradeMark and may not be used in any sales
of Project Gutenberg Etexts or other materials be they hardware or
software or any other related product without express permission.]

*END THE SMALL PRINT! FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.07/27/01*END*





This etext was produced by David Price, email ccx074@coventry.ac.uk,
from the 1879 John Murray edition.





REJECTED ADDRESSES:  OR, THE NEW THEATRUM POETARUM

by James and Horace Smith




Contents:

Preface to First Edition
Preface to Eighteenth Edition
Rejected Addresses
   Loyal Effusion--by W. T. F.
   The Baby's Debut--by W. W.
   An Address Without a Phoenix--by S. T. P.
   Cui Bono?--by Lord B.
   Hampshire Farmer's Address--by W. C.
   The Living Lustres--by T. M.
   The Rebuilding--by R. S.
   Drury's Dirge--by Laura Matilda.
   A Tale of Drury Lane--by W. S.
   Johnson's Ghost
   The Beautiful Incendiary--by the Hon. W. S.
   Fire and Ale--by M. G. L.
   Playhouse Musings,--by S. T. C.
   Drury Lane Hustings--by a Pic-Nic Poet
   Architectural Atoms--translated by Dr. B.
   Theatrical Alarm-bell--by the Editor of the M. P.
   The Theatre--by the Rev. G. C.
   Macbeth Travestie--by Momus Medlar
   Stranger Travestie--by Momus Medlar
   George Barnwell Travestie--by Momus Medlar
   Punch's Apotheosis--by T. H.
Footnotes and other notes



PREFACE TO FIRST EDITION



On the 14th of August, 1812, the following advertisement appeared in
most of the daily papers:-


"Rebuilding of Drury Lane Theatre.

"The Committee are desirous of promoting a free and fair competition
for an Address to be spoken upon the opening of the Theatre, which
will take place on the 10th of October next.  They have, therefore,
thought fit to announce to the public, that they will be glad to
receive any such compositions, addressed to their Secretary, at the
Treasury-office, in Drury Lane, on or before the 10th of September,
sealed up, with a distinguishing word, number, or motto, on the
cover, corresponding with the inscription on a separate sealed paper,
containing the name of the author, which will not be opened unless
containing the name of the successful candidate."


Upon the propriety of this plan men's minds were, as they usually are
upon matters of moment, much divided.  Some thought it a fair promise
of the future intention of the Committee to abolish that phalanx of
authors who usurp the stage, to the exclusion of a large assortment
of dramatic talent blushing unseen in the background; while others
contended that the scheme would prevent men of real eminence from
descending into an amphitheatre in which all Grub Street (that is to
say, all London and Westminster) would be arrayed against them.  The
event has proved both parties to be in a degree right, and in a
degree wrong.  One hundred and twelve Addresses have been sent in,
each sealed and signed, and mottoed, "as per order," some written by
men of great, some by men of little, and some by men of no talent.

Many of the public prints have censured the taste of the Committee,
in thus contracting for Addresses as they would for nails--by the
gross; but it is surprising that none should have censured their
TEMERITY.  One hundred and eleven of the Addresses must, of course,
be unsuccessful:  to each of the authors, thus infallibly classed
with the genus irritabile, it would be very hard to deny six stanch
friends, who consider his the best of all possible Addresses, and
whose tongues will be as ready to laud him as to hiss his adversary.
These, with the potent aid of the bard himself, make seven foes per
address; and thus will be created seven hundred and seventy-seven
implacable auditors, prepared to condemn the strains of Apollo
himself--a band of adversaries which no prudent manager would think
of exasperating.

But, leaving the Committee to encounter the responsibility they have
incurred, the public have at least to thank them for ascertaining and
establishing one point, which might otherwise have admitted of
controversy.  When it is considered that many amateur writers have
been discouraged from becoming competitors, and that few, if any, of
the professional authors can afford to write for nothing, and, of
course, have not been candidates for the honorary prize at Drury
Lane, we may confidently pronounce that, as far as regards NUMBER,
the present is undoubtedly the Augustan age of English poetry.
Whether or not this distinction will be extended to the QUALITY of
its productions, must be decided at the tribunal of posterity; though
the natural anxiety of our authors on this score ought to be
considerably diminished when they reflect how few will, in all
probability, be had up for judgment.

It is not necessary for the Editor to mention the manner in which he
became possessed of this "fair sample of the present state of poetry
in Great Britain."  It was his first intention to publish the whole;
but a little reflection convinced him that, by so doing, he might
depress the good, without elevating the bad.  He has therefore culled
what had the appearance of flowers, from what possessed the reality
of weeds, and is extremely sorry that, in so doing, he has diminished
his collection to twenty-one.  Those which he has rejected may
possibly make their appearance in a separate volume, or they may be
admitted as volunteers in the files of some of the newspapers; or, at
all events, they are sure of being received among the awkward squad
of the Magazines.  In general, they bear a close resemblance to each
other; thirty of them contain extravagant compliments to the immortal
Wellington and the indefatigable Whitbread; and, as the last-
mentioned gentleman is said to dislike praise in the exact proportion
in which he deserves it, these laudatory writers have probably been
only building a wall against which they might run their own heads.

The Editor here begs leave to advance a few words in behalf of that
useful and much abused bird the Phoenix; and in so doing he is
biassed by no partiality, as he assures the reader he not only never
saw one, but (mirabile dictu!) never caged one, in a simile, in the
whole course of his life.  Not less than sixty-nine of the
competitors have invoked the aid of this native of Arabia; but as,
from their manner of using him after they had caught him, he does not
by any means appear to have been a native of Arabia Felix, the Editor
has left the proprietors to treat with Mr. Polito, and refused to
receive this rara avis, or black swan, into the present collection.
One exception occurs, in which the admirable treatment of this
feathered incombustible entitles the author to great praise:  that
Address has been preserved, and in the ensuing pages takes the lead,
to which its dignity entitles it.

Perhaps the reason why several of the subjoined productions of the
MUSAE LONDINENSES have failed of selection, may he discovered in
their being penned in a metre unusual upon occasions of this sort,
and in their not being written with that attention to stage effect,
the want of which, like want of manners in the concerns of life, is
more prejudicial than a deficiency of talent.  There is an art of
writing for the Theatre, technically called TOUCH and GO, which is
indispensable when we consider the small quantum of patience which so
motley an assemblage as a London audience can be expected to afford.
All the contributors have been very exact in sending their initials
and mottoes.  Those belonging to the present collection have been
carefully preserved, and each has been affixed to its respective
poem.  The letters that accompanied the Addresses having been
honourably destroyed unopened, it is impossible to state the real
authors with any certainty; but the ingenious reader, after comparing
the initials with the motto, and both with the poem, may form his own
conclusions.

The Editor does not anticipate any disapprobation from thus giving
publicity to a small portion of the Rejected Addresses; for unless he
is widely mistaken in assigning the respective authors, the fame of
each individual is established on much too firm a basis to be shaken
by so trifling and evanescent a publication as the present:


- neque ego illi detrahere ausim
Haerentem capiti multa cum laude ceronam.


Of the numerous pieces already sent to the Committee for performance,
he has only availed himself of three vocal Travesties, which he has
selected, not for their merit, but simply for their brevity.  Above
one hundred spectacles, melodramas, operas, and pantomimes have been
transmitted, besides the two first acts of one legitimate comedy.
Some of these evince considerable smartness of manual dialogue, and
several brilliant repartees of chairs, tables, and other inanimate
wits; but the authors seem to have forgotten that in the new Drury
Lane the audience can hear as well as see.  Of late our theatres have
been so constructed, that John Bull has been compelled to have very
long ears, or none at all; to keep them dangling about his skull like
discarded servants, while his eyes were gazing at pieballs and
elephants, or else to stretch them out to an asinine length to catch
the congenial sound of braying trumpets.  An auricular revolution is,
we trust, about to take place; and as many people have been much
puzzled to define the meaning of the new era, of which we have heard
so much, we venture to pronounce that, as far as regards Drury Lane
Theatre, the new era means the reign of ears.  If the past affords
any pledge for the future, we may confidently expect from the
Committee of that House every thing that can be accomplished by the
union of taste and assiduity. {0}



PREFACE TO EIGHTEENTH EDITION {1}



In the present publishing era, when books are like the multitudinous
waves of the advancing sea, some of which make no impression whatever
upon the sand, while the superficial traces left by others are
destined to be perpetually obliterated by their successors, almost as
soon as they are found, the authors of the Rejected Addresses may
well feel flattered, after a lapse of twenty years, and the sale of
seventeen large editions, in receiving an application to write a
Preface to a new and more handsome impression.  In diminution,
however, of any overweening vanity which they might be disposed to
indulge on this occasion, they cannot but admit the truth of the
remark made by a particularly candid and good-natured friend, who
kindly reminded them, that if their little work has hitherto floated
upon the stream of time, while so many others of much greater weight
and value have sunk to rise no more, it has been solely indebted for
its buoyancy to that specific levity which enables feathers, straws,
and similar trifles to defer their submersion until they have become
thoroughly saturated with the waters of oblivion, when they quickly
meet the fate which they had long before merited.

Our ingenuous and ingenious friend furthermore observed, that the
demolition of Drury Lane Theatre by fire, its reconstruction under
the auspices of the celebrated Mr. Whitbread, {2} the reward offered
by the Committee for an opening address, and the public recitation of
a poem composed expressly for the occasion by Lord Byron, one of the
most popular writers of the age, formed an extraordinary concurrence
of circumstances which could not fail to insure the success of the
Rejected Addresses, while it has subsequently served to fix them in
the memory of the public, so far at least as a poor immortality of
twenty years can be said to have effected that object.  In fact,
continued our impartial and affectionate monitor, your little work
owes its present obscure existence entirely to the accidents that
have surrounded and embalmed it,--even as flies, and other worthless
insects, may long survive their natural date of extinction, if they
chance to be preserved in amber, or any similar substance.


The things, we know, are neither rich nor rare -
But wonder how the devil they got there!--POPE.


With the natural affection of parents for the offspring of their own
brains, we ventured to hint that some portion of our success might
perhaps be attributable to the manner in which the different
imitations were executed; but our worthy friend protested that his
sincere regard for us, as well as for the cause of truth, compelled
him to reject our claim, and to pronounce that, when once the idea
had been conceived, all the rest followed as a matter of course, and
might have been executed by any other hands not less felicitously
than by our own.

Willingly leaving this matter to the decision of the public, since we
cannot be umpires in our own cause, we proceed to detail such
circumstances attending the writing and publication of our little
work, as may literally meet the wishes of the present proprietor of
the copyright, who has applied to us for a gossiping Preface.  Were
we disposed to be grave and didactic, which is as foreign to our mood
as it was twenty years ago, we might draw the attention of the
reader, in a fine sententious paragraph, to the trifles upon which
the fate of empires, as well as a four-and-sixpenny volume of
parodies, occasionally hangs in trembling balance.  No sooner was the
idea of our work conceived, than it was about to be abandoned in
embryo, from the apprehension that we had no lime to mature and bring
it forth, as it was indispensable that it should be written, printed,
and published by the opening of Drury Lane Theatre, which would only
allow us an interval of six weeks, and we had both of us other
avocations that precluded us from the full command of even that
limited period.  Encouraged, however, by the conviction that the
thought was a good one, and by the hope of making a lucky hit, we set
to work con amore, our very hurry not improbably enabling us to
strike out at a heat what we might have failed to produce so well,
had we possessed time enough to hammer it into more careful and
elaborate form.

Our first difficulty, that of selection, was by no means a light one.
Some of our most eminent poets--such, for instance, as Rogers and
Campbell--presented so much beauty, harmony, and proportion in their
writings, both as to style and sentiment, that if we had attempted to
caricature them, nobody would have recognised the likeness; and if we
had endeavoured to give a servile copy of their manner, it would only
have amounted, at best, to a tame and unamusing portrait, which it
was not our object to present.  Although fully aware that their names
would, in the theatrical phrase, have conferred great strength upon
our bill, we were reluctantly compelled to forego them, and to
confine ourselves to writers whose style and habit of thought, being
more marked and peculiar, was more capable of exaggeration and
distortion.  To avoid politics and personality, to imitate the turn
of mind as well as the phraseology of our originals, and, at all
events, to raise a harmless laugh, were our main objects; in the
attainment of which united aims, we were sometimes hurried into
extravagance, by attaching much more importance to the last than to
the two first.  In no instance were we thus betrayed into a greater
injustice than in the case of Mr. Wordsworth--the touching sentiment,
profound wisdom, and copious harmony of whose loftier writings we
left unnoticed, in the desire of burlesquing them; while we pounced
upon his popular ballads, and exerted ourselves to push their
simplicity into puerility and silliness.  With pride and pleasure do
we now claim to be ranked among the most ardent admirers of this true
poet; and if he himself could see the state of his works, which are
ever at our right hand, he would, perhaps, receive the manifest
evidences they exhibit of constant reference and delighted re-
perusal, as some sort of amende honorable for the unfairness of which
we were guilty when we were less conversant with the higher
inspirations of his muse.  To Mr. Coleridge, and others of our
originals, we must also do a tardy act of justice, by declaring that
our burlesque of their peculiarities has never blinded us to those
beauties and talents which are beyond the reach of all ridicule.

One of us {3} had written a genuine Address for the occasion, which
was sent to the Committee, and shared the fate it merited, in being
rejected.  To swell the bulk, or rather to diminish the tenuity of
our little work, we added it to the Imitations; and prefixing the
initials of S. T. P. for the purpose of puzzling the critics, were
not a little amused, in the sequel, by the many guesses and
conjectures into which we had ensnared some of our readers.  We could
even enjoy the mysticism, qualified as it was by the poor compliment,
that our carefully written Address exhibited no "very prominent trait
of absurdity," when we saw it thus noticed in the Edinburgh Review
for November 1812:- "An Address by S. T. P. we can make nothing of;
and professing our ignorance of the author designated by these
letters, we can only add, that the Address, though a little affected,
and not very full of meaning, has no very prominent trait of
absurdity, that we can detect; and might have been adopted and
spoken, so far as we can perceive, without any hazard of ridicule.
In our simplicity we consider it as a very decent, mellifluous,
occasional prologue; and do not understand how it has found its way
into its present company."

Urged forward by hurry, and trusting to chance, two very bad
coadjutors in any enterprise, we at length congratulated ourselves on
having completed our task in time to have it printed and published by
the opening of the theatre.  But alas! our difficulties, so far from
being surmounted, seemed only to be beginning.  Strangers to the
arcana of the booksellers' trade, and unacquainted with their almost
invincible objection to single volumes of low price, especially when
tendered by writers who have acquired no previous name, we little
anticipated that they would refuse to publish our Rejected Addresses,
even although we asked nothing for the copyright.  Such, however,
proved to be the case.  Our manuscript was perused and returned to us
by several of the most eminent publishers. {4}  Well do we remember
betaking ourselves to one of the craft in Bond-street, whom we found
in a back parlour, with his gouty leg propped upon a cushion, in
spite of which warning he diluted his luncheon with frequent glasses
of Madeira.  "What have you already written?" was his first question-
-an interrogatory to which we had been subjected in almost every
instance.  "Nothing by which we can be known."  "Then I am afraid to
undertake the publication."  We presumed timidly to suggest that
every writer must have a beginning, and that to refuse to publish for
him until he had acquired a name, was to imitate the sapient mother
who cautioned her son against going into the water until he could
swim.  "An old joke--a regular Joe!" exclaimed our companion, tossing
off another bumper.  "Still older than Joe Miller," was our reply;
"for, if we mistake not, it is the very first anecdote in the
facetiae of Hierocles."  "Ha, sirs!" resumed the bibliopolist, "you
are learned, are you?  So, sob!--Well, leave your manuscript with me;
I will look it over to-night, and give you an answer to-morrow."
Punctual as the clock we presented ourselves at his door on the
following morning, when our papers were returned to us with the
observation--"These trifles are really not deficient in smartness;
they are well, vastly well, for beginners; but they will never do--
never.  They would not pay for advertising, and without it I should
not sell fifty copies."

This was discouraging enough.  If the most experienced publishers
feared to be out of pocket by the work, it was manifest, a fortiori,
that its writers ran a risk of being still more heavy losers, should
they undertake the publication on their own account.  We had no
objection to raise a laugh at the expense of others; but to do it at
our own cost, uncertain as we were to what extent we might be
involved, had never entered into our contemplation.  In this dilemma,
our Addresses, now in every sense rejected, might probably have never
seen the light, had not some good angel whispered us to betake
ourselves to Mr. John Miller, a dramatic publisher, then residing in
Bow Street, Covent Garden.  No sooner had this gentleman looked over
our manuscript, than he immediately offered to take upon himself all
the risk of publication, and to give us half the profits, SHOULD
THERE BE ANY; a liberal proposition, with which we gladly closed.  So
rapid and decided was its success, at which none were more
unfeignedly astonished than its authors, that Mr. Miller advised us
to collect some Imitations of Horace, which had appeared anonymously
in the Monthly Mirror, {5} offering to publish them upon the same
terms.  We did so accordingly; and as new editions of the Rejected
Addresses were called for in quick succession, we were shortly
enabled to sell our half copyright in the two works to Mr. Miller for
one thousand pounds!  We have entered into this unimportant detail,
not to gratify any vanity of our own, but to encourage such literary
beginners as may be placed in similar circumstances; as well as to
impress upon publishers the propriety of giving more consideration to
the possible merit of the works submitted to them, than to the mere
magic of a name.

To the credit of the genus irritabile be it recorded, that not one of
those whom we had parodied or burlesqued ever betrayed the least
soreness on the occasion, or refused to join in the laugh that we had
occasioned.  With most of them we subsequently formed
acquaintanceship; while some honoured us with an intimacy which still
continues, where it has not been severed by the rude hand of Death.
Alas! it is painful to reflect, that of the twelve writers whom we
presumed to imitate, five are now no more; the list of the deceased
being unhappily swelled by the most illustrious of all, the clarum et
venerabile nomen of Sir Walter Scott!  From that distinguished
writer, whose transcendent talents were only to be equalled by his
virtues and his amiability, we received favours and notice, both
public and private, which it will be difficult to forget, because we
had not the smallest claim upon his kindness.  "I certainly must have
written this myself!" said that fine-tempered man to one of the
authors, pointing to the description of the Fire, "although I forget
upon what occasion."  Lydia White, {6} a literary lady who was prone
to feed the lions of the day, invited one of us to dinner; but,
recollecting afterwards that William Spencer {7} formed one of the
party, wrote to the latter to put him off, telling him that a man was
to be at her table whom he "would not like to meet."  "Pray, who is
this whom I should not like to meet?" inquired the poet.  "O!"
answered the lady, "one of those men who have made that shameful
attack upon you!"  "The very man upon earth I should like to know!"
rejoined the lively and careless bard.  The two individuals
accordingly met, and have continued fast friends ever since.  Lord
Byron, too, wrote thus to Mr. Murray from Italy--"Tell him I forgive
him, were he twenty times over our satirist."

It may not be amiss to notice, in this place, one criticism of a
Leicestershire clergyman, which may be pronounced unique:  "I do not
see why they should have been rejected," observed the matter-of-fact
annotator; "I think some of them very good!"  Upon the whole, few
have been the instances, in the acrimonious history of literature,
where a malicious pleasantry like the Rejected Addresses--which the
parties ridiculed might well consider more annoying than a direct
satire--instead of being met by querulous bitterness or petulant
retaliation, has procured for its authors the acquaintance, or
conciliated the good-will, of those whom they had the most
audaciously burlesqued.

In commenting on a work, however trifling, which has survived the
lapse of twenty years, an author may almost claim the privileged
garrulity of age; yet even in a professedly gossiping Preface, we
begin to fear that we are exceeding our commission, and abusing the
patience of the reader.  If we are doing so, we might urge
extenuating circumstances, which will explain, though they may not
excuse, our diffuseness.  To one of us the totally unexpected success
of this little work proved an important event, since it mainly
decided him, some years afterwards, to embark in the literary career
which the continued favour of that novel-reading world has rendered
both pleasant and profitable to him.  This is the first, as it will
probably be the last, occasion upon which we shall ever intrude
ourselves personally on the public notice; and we trust that our now
doing so will stand excused by the reasons we have adduced.

LONDON, March, 1833
Used Cars

Pet Medications

FSBO Homes

Custom Carpet

Progesterone

Shakespeare To Read

All About Our World
