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Notes From The Underground
F. Dostoyevsky

Page 2 of 230

midst.  In the second fragment there are added the actual notes
of this person concerning certain events in his life.  --AUTHOR'S
NOTE. 

I am a sick man....  I am a spiteful man.  I am an unattractive
man.  I believe my liver is diseased.  However, I know nothing at
all about my disease, and do not know for certain what ails me. 
I don't consult a doctor for it, and never have, though I have a
respect for medicine and doctors.  Besides, I am extremely
superstitious, sufficiently so to respect medicine, anyway (I am
well-educated enough not to be superstitious, but I am
superstitious).  No, I refuse to consult a doctor from spite. 
That you probably will not understand.  Well, I understand it,
though.  Of course, I can't explain who it is precisely that I am
mortifying in this case by my spite: I am perfectly well aware
that I cannot "pay out" the doctors by not consulting them; I
know better than anyone that by all this I am only injuring
myself and no one else.  But still, if I don't consult a doctor

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